Explaination...

Hello there,

So I wasn't expecting to put this online like I am. It was something I figured was too private and I'll just tell the people that need to know. But no more of that. To hell with it...

I've been really depressed for months. Somewhat cripplingly so. I have trouble rememebering things, concentrating, sleeping, eating... forcing myself to get out of bed each and every day just to face the world - and even worse, other people - without being coerced into doing so by those who live with me. I'm exhausted all the time. I hardly function, and I use pretty much all the energy I can possibly muster to just pretend like I'm fine and there's nothing going on whenever I'm around people. It's exhausting. Being "fine" is exhausting. Keeping people out is exhausting. Functioning like a normal person is exhausting...

There are days when I absolutely have to leave, like for work which is right next to my apartment, when my three roommates force me out of the house because I have to go to work. I only work 4 hour shifts with a 1 hour mandatory break (so 3 paid hours a shift) and my pay checks are only like $70 every couple weeks. There are days where even with all the support or pushing, which helps a lot, doesn't make it possible to deal with other people - let alone myself. I have to go to work though. I haven't been able to get anything else and I need to be able to help with rent, groceries and my other expenses. So some days, if I have to go somewhere and I have a major headache, I just wear my ear plugs so it's completely silent and I just sign to anyone who talks to me unless it's important or I'm at work (except for the awesome occasions when I get to sign with people at work too.)

I just started seeing someone about it finally last week because I only just started to be able to afford it and I don't think I'll be able to for long. I'd see someone at school, but CCC (like the Art Institute) doesn't have a counselor of the sort I'd need to go talk to. Unlike PCC or PSU, which have that type of counseling available and free for their students. A service I wish I got to use... but still. I saw her again for the second time today, and I'll be seeing her weekly.

So right now, I'm seeking help but it doesn't change the fact I've been missing a ton of school because I haven't been able to make it. I have been doing my homework I know of that I can do anyway. I just haven't been able to upload it yet due to the owner(s) of the electronics I had to borrow for everything. I am ashamed of myself for not going to class every week still. I did miss class due to being REALLY sick for a week, and some of the family stuff going on with Adam's cancer. But there were a couple of days I could have gone to class. But I missed my buses out to Oregon City from here due to my own plethora of neurosis, including (mostly) my major depression.

It's no good excuse. There aren't good excuses for missing that much class. But I'll have all my videos up online soon and my finals up as complete as I can make them no later than tomorrow afternoon.

I just thought that anyone who cares enough to read this should know why I haven't been around at all.

Thanks for your patience with me, and thank you guys who have told me that you've missed me around or send warm wishes. I really appreciated that a lot. I hope I'll be able to return next term without any problems like these getting in my way anymore.

- Ash

P.S. I'm sorry for dumping this on everyone/anyone who reads it. If you read it all, you must care to some degree or another. Thank you for your time. :)

P.P.S. I haven't had the email address for Deba since about Halloween-ish and I've emailed Carl before, including that I don't have it, but I never got a reply to it. So, if someone could send it to me or comment on here with it or some such. I'd REALLY appreciate it. Thanks.

Sensitive Santa

Today's shift was so amazing and fulfilling. Today at Lloyd Center was...

"Sensitive Santa"

Sensitive Santa is the day out of all of the time Santa is at the mall where anyone with any kind of special needs can come see Santa. There were snacks and little presents for everyone who came, there were free 5' x 7' photos for everyone who wanted one whether or not they were actually paying any other photos, the malls lights were mostly off and there were no other people at the mall yet, the music in the mall was all off... and there were SO many people that wouldn't otherwise get to come see Santa who were so very happy to be able to go. Hundreds of people showed up. I met so many wonderful kids and one of my favorite parts - I got to sign with a couple kids! They could hardly otherwise communicate, though they weren't deaf. I got to sign with parents who had questions. It was so amazing and really great feeling. The people I signed with were all so happy that I knew how to sign as much as I did at the least. 

I've been wondering...

For a long time, I've wondered how left out people with disabilities feel in most situations... I knew there were people with special needs or problems that made life harder for them than most others since I was a little girl. I first learned the ASL manual alphabet when I was around kindergarden age. But as I've gotten older, I've been more and more curious. I know that even being in a wheelchair gets you treated differently by a lot of people, and not usually in remotely good ways either... so when you have trouble communicating with those around you things have to be so much worse, I'd imagine.

I've always really enjoyed social experiments. They are really fascinating. I love conducting them also. Now, since this term at school's started I've looked further into deaf cultural than I ever had regularly done before and I've also done some experiments. I've found that there is a huge lack of services for the deaf or hearing impaired. I've found that a lot of places have really recently even started trying. I've found a rare few surprising bus drivers who recognize ASL (they were really nice.) But mostly, I've found myself with more questions than before...:

• Why don't more places have interpreters/operators?
• Why don't more people learn ASL?
• Why do I never hear about deaf or hearing impaired unless they or something about their culture is being made fun of, with the exception of the show "Switched At Birth" (which just came out this season)?
• Why do so many people think ASL is a joke or unnecessary in some way?
• Why do so many people not treat ASL like it's an actual language?
• Why do so few people never want to learn even the most basic phrases?
• Why are so many ASL sites so poorly constructed?
• Why aren't there more completely free, really useful resources out there for those of us who WANT to learn?

I could go on with more questions like this for just about ever...

New Job

So, I have a job working with Santa over at Lloyd Center. I got the job on the 6th, started on the 9th. I talk to kids and take pictures of people with Santa. I get to give good kids candy or stickers, and goofy little folding crown things with fake reindeer antlers on them to wear around (sometimes the parents or adults who visit Santa take them too.) It is actually really enjoyable. I just really wish my boss and/or pay was better for my hours. But I REALLY enjoy the actual work.

That being said, today at work there was a grandmother there with her two granddaughters who really wanted to visit Santa. But the grandmother had some questions about pictures, prices, visiting, all sorts of stuff... but was deaf and couldn't ask Santa or my boss. So I jumped in and signed with the grandmother. It was AMAZING. She was so incredibly happy there was someone she could sign to. It made me feel so great, especially when she thanked me for learning ASL because more people should know how to. I only feel bad that more people don't learn ASL unless they feel they have to for some reason or another...

What is wrong with people?

I got an email today and looked into it further... this was the email I recieved:

"Deaf Toddler Punished For Signing Name In Preschool"

"Three-year-old Hunter Spanjer, who is deaf, signs his name by crossing his middle and index finger before moving his hand up and down.

Those who know American Sign Language language realize that Hunter's gesture is a name sign, a movement that means “Hunter Spanjer” and has been his signed personal identification since birth. But to Hunter’s school district in Grand Island, Nebraska, it means a threat -- and an excuse to punish a toddler for "implied violence."

According to administrators, Hunter’s sign-language name looks too much a pantomimed weapon for him to use the gesture during school hours – and right now, they’re demanding Hunter’s parents change his name before he can come back!

In the face of hyper-political correctness, school officials are willing to force a little boy to abandon a name he’s had since birth, making him feel even more like a "freak" or an outsider. But we have a chance to help.

Right now, representatives from the National Association of the Deaf are fighting for Hunter’s right to sign his name in school. If enough of us speak out, we can convince the Superintendent to let him keep the name “Hunter” by the time school starts next week – but we have to act fast!"

With a link to a petition, which can be found here.

I looked into it some more and came across more articles, like this one: here and many more like it...  but this all started in August and I can't find any updates on what happened with him. I really want to know what's become of this incident... There are plenty of things, like that petition, that want to help still. But no updates on this anywhere since September when this article here was posted which some minor updates, like the family's reactions to all the support.

Can anyone else tell me if they can find more? Please and thank you.

(Also, again, there is something very wrong with society.)

Response to Popular Interpreter Skits Recently

FYI

Those skits aren't funny. They are ridiculously offensive and serve no purpose other than showing how ignorant some people can be. The Chelsea Lately and The Daily Show ones are especially bad. I'm really embarrassed that two of my roommates found the skit on The Daily Show so hilarious and it made me really upset at the time.

I don't people it's okay to make a living doing nothing but exploiting and making fun of people like Chelsea Handler does on her show. It's not okay and it's not funny. I understand that The Daily Show and Saturday Night Live use humor to interpret what's going on in the world today, which isn't how the Chelsea Lately show does it where it's just malicious, exploiting people at their expense for profit whenever she feels like it. I don't agree with how Jon Stewart went about his skit either, it's awful and I think he sunk too low on this one.

Sad News

Sorry if my signing isn't perfect. I was upset and I just wanted this to be said.

(Also, I wasn't sure the best way to shrink specific signs. Like "Lungs"/"Lung".)

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Basically, my young cousin Adam was diagnosed with cancer last Friday morning. It's rough and the family is scared/worried for him. He's only 15 and none of us understand why/how this has happened. But basically there's a tumor in his right lung that needs to be removed before it spreads or gets worse - if it hasn't spread already. It's apparently been there for a while, but phenomonia has been playing the scapegoat for Adam's breathing problems until now.

What's happening now:
Adam will have surgery on his right lung to remove the tumor with as little lung going with it as possible this week. Though that means they may have to take up to the whole lung, they will try their best to only take a third or two. I will be spending most my time with Adam and his father (one of my other super amazing cousins), Chris, in the upcoming couple weeks.


Adam - Brave (or cocky, not sure which yet.)
Everyone else - Worried.

Happy Halloween! (Topic Signing)

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Closed-Captioning Glasses

That's right.

Glasses that give what you're watching subtitles.

Frikkin' awesome.

So there are these glasses that Sony made that are really amazing, they project small closed captioning for movies and TV on wee tiny projectors for the hearing impaired or deaf people who are wearing them. They have them at Regal Cinemas too apparently.

You should check them out for yourselves:

http://www.digitaltrends.com/lifestyle/sony-subtitle-glasses/

http://deafnation.com/evelinas-backlot/closed-caption-glasses/

Midterm - Free Signing

Midterm - Compare & Contrast

Introduction (Video)

(Please, please mute the volume to this video when playing it as I have no way of editing out the weird white noise stuff that's rather loud sometimes in the background right now. I'll fix this later and re-upload it when I have the tools to do so.  Thank you!)

"Switched at Birth" Response

I watched the first couple episodes of "Switched at Birth" to get a feel for the show. Whether or not I like it is irrelevant.

A lot of their ASL is the same as what my friend Vincent does mixed with what my class does. They are in Kansas City according to a line in the show - so maybe what they are doing is different in some ways because it's a slightly different dialect (for lack of a better word) of ASL. There are different ways to sign the same word in quite a few cases so I'm not entirely surprised to see differences in the show compared to what I've seen.

Introduction

Hi there! My name is Ash. I'm a college student. I'm currently taking my first ASL class. I have really base previous experience with ASL in the past due to friends and the like, but it's really amazing actually learning it now. I really like my teacher - she is smart and funny, and a pleasure to learn from. I really love learning ASL so far and I look forward to continuing my ASL education beyond this class.

I'm learning ASL because I come across situations where it'd be really handy to know at least some basic ASL fairly often, plus I think there should be way more people who know it.

Let's see, what else... oh yes! It's time for the small talk portion of this introduction to the concept of me. My birthday is October 16th. (Next Tuesday!) I really like Autumn. I really love purple, orange and green... and I really like black... *ahem* anyway, I have two brothers (and I'm the youngest.) I live in a tiny apartment with 3 other people in SE Portland. I have an awesome boyfriend named Vince. We've sort of adopted this adorable cat we call Ocelittle. We call it that because it's like an Ocelot only, well, littler.

Um, I think that's about it. I will be posting a lot about ASL or deaf culture related stuff on here.

Take care!!

- Ash